quinta-feira, 30 de junho de 2022
terça-feira, 28 de junho de 2022
segunda-feira, 27 de junho de 2022
quinta-feira, 23 de junho de 2022
The Six Weeks
Karina awoke to the smell of cigarette smoke. God damn it, she thought, as she hid under the covers to get away from the smell, "What do I have to do to get away from these things?" At 16 years old, she had always hated the smell of the tobacco smoke which seemed to come interminably from the kitchen as she awoke each morning. This morning, she was going to do something about it! As she got out of bed, she glanced at the clock. 6:45 and she's at it already! All Karina could think about was the disgusting smell of the smoke that seemed to permeate throughout the entire house 24 hours a day. Quietly opening her bedroom door, she peered out into the hall, where she had a good view of the dining room and kitchen. Here Mom, Keiko, was quietly sitting at the table, with a freshly lit Salem 100 in her hand. Her elbow was propped on the kitchen table, with the cigarette propped up next to her ear. Yuck! Karina hated this sight more than anything. How could her mom be so stupid? Didn't she know what she was doing to her body? She quietly watched as her mother took the cigarette to her mouth and sucked on it for what seemed like an eternity. She then opened her mouth and breathed in deeply. After a few seconds, Keiko opened her mouth and blew a thin stream of smoke across the room. This must stop, thought Karina. But how? She had pleaded mercilessly with her mother on several occasions to stop this filthy habit. All to no avail. Brrrinnngggg!! It was the phone. As her Mom went into the den to answer it, Karina raced into action. Her first target was the cigarette left burning in the ashtray on the table. She grabbed it and took it into the kitchen, quickly dousing it in the kitchen sink and washing it down the drain. Her next target was the pack of Salem 100s. She grabbed them and twisted like she had never twisted before! Back and forth, up and down, until there was no way possible that anyone could smoke them. Then she dumped them in the trash can under the sink. Feeling a little bit scared at what she had done, Karina retreated to her bedroom, where she laid in her bed and waited for the inevitable to happen. About 30 seconds later, the door opened slowly and her mom walked in the bedroom. Karina! Where are my cigarettes? Karina! After realizing that feigning sleep would do her no good, Karina got up to face the music. "Mom, I hate the smell of your smoke!! I'm sorry, but you should quit!!" "Karina, where are my cigarettes," repeated Keiko. "All right, they're under the sink," replied Karina. "I talk to you later, " said Keiko, as she left the room. Karina Nagasaki had always been a very strong-willed girl, which was very alien to her mother. Keiko was born and raised in Japan and had moved to the U.S. from Japan when she was 20 years old and pregnant with Karina. Being unmarried, she was fearful of the reaction of her family and friends in Tokyo. She knew that the U.S. was much more tolerant of this sort of behavior and she could blend in much more naturally in such an environment. But she was still very much a traditional Japanese girl at heart, and did not understand the Americanized ways of her daughter, who, though she looked completely Japanese, could not even speak the language! Her Mom had tried to teach her, but being the stubborn girl she was, Karina always questioned why she needed to learn Japanese when she lived in America. Karina was a very pretty girl, very much like her mother, who had been involved in beauty pageants as a child, and had even won a few. Karina was extremely outgoing and active in school events. She was the star player of the field hockey team, even though she was only a Sophomore. She also played basketball and softball. Although she was quite pretty and looked very Japanese, she was decidedly un-Japanese in almost every respect, from dating to her taste in clothes. Karina heard nothing more from here mother that morning. She got up at her usual time of 7 am to prepare for school. As she left at 7:45, she said a simple "Siyonara," to her mother (one of the few phrases she knew in Japanese) and was out the door. She noticed that her mother was smoking again as she left. "She must have a million packs in that house," she thought as she hurried to school. She wondered why her mother, who seemed to have everything going for her (beauty, brains, a good job), would sacrifice all that to smoke 30 cigarettes a day. As she made her way to her homeroom, Karina noticed a group of three girls smoking outside the school. "How stupid," she thought. "Why would they do that?" As the day proceeded, Karina wondered what her Mom would do when she got home from school. At 16, she was too old to punish, she thought. But surely here Mom would do something to voice her disapproval. At 3 PM, the final bell rang, and Karina headed home, unsure of what awaited her. Her Mom, who worked as a beautician, would not be home from work until about 5:30, and she waited listlessly and completed her homework in her usual quick and impeccable fashion by 5. When Keiko arrived, she simply stated, "Karina, we need talk." "We need TO talk," said Karina, quickly correcting her. "Oh yes, you perfect English speaker," said Keiko. She realized that Karina was far more versed in correct English than her, and would not hesitate to embarrass and correct her whenever she felt like it. "Karina, you are bad child," said Keiko. "You always do bad things to your Mother. You show no respect for elders, like you should." Karina rolled her eyes, "Mom, its different here, kids are much more advanced and, well, its just different! And I don't like to smell smoke!" "Karina, I am smoker, and you must accept that. I cannot help it. I made a bad choice many years ago, in Japan, and now I must live with it." Karina didn't quite understand what her Mom meant by this. "Mom, I care about you, and I can't understand why you smoke those things." Karina had never really paid much attention to smokers, other than her Mom, and she obviously wasn't going to show any empathy towards her mother, and when Keiko stated "Karina, you are a beautiful young girl, but you show no respect. Haven't you ever heard that its hard to quit smoking?" her only reply was "How hard can it be to stop sucking on white sticks and blowing out yucky smoke? I could do it in a minute!! With that, she stormed off into her room, slamming the door behind her. It was only 6 pm, and Karina, stuck in her bedroom after her fight with Keiko, was already done with her schoolwork. After a few hours of boredom in her room, Karina went into the kitchen, only to find her Mom smoking yet another Salem 100. "Well, Karina, you have come to apologize?", said her Mom. "Hell no, I'm just thirsty," said Karina, walking past her Mom. "You should just quit," she added. She grabbed some orange juice and proceeded back into her room. Over the next few days, the only conversations between Keiko and her daughter were short and all seemed to involve smoking. "Just stop inhaling!" or "How hard can it be?" were all Keiko ever seemed to hear out of Karina's mouth. Keiko only listened, unable to quickly think of a comeback in English. But her thoughts, in Japanese, were beginning to become hostile to her daughter. Finally, after the third day of harassment from her daughter, Keiko had had enough. Although it was decidedly against her nature, she decided to attack back. "If you ever smoke, you know it is impossible to quit!!" she said to her daughter. Karina, somewhat shocked at the surprising tone of her mothers voice, replied "Well, if I did, I sure would quit. I don't understand what the problem is!" Uncharacteristically, Keiko then rose from her chair and offered her daughter a cigarette. "Here," she said. "Be my guest!" Before either of them realized it, Karina was seated next to her mother, with a cigarette in her hand. Still overcome by hostility, Keiko flicked her lighter and held it out to her daughter, who somewhat embarrassingly put it into her mouth and accepted the light. Karina then sucked on the cigarette and immediately blew it out without inhaling. "Yuck! How can you do this? You're stupid!!" "No, you stupid," replied Keiko. "You're not even doing it right. Watch and learn." She then put her cigarette to her mouth, clamped her Asian lips around it, and sucked. Accentuating every action, she then opened her mouth, and with a very loud "Swoosh," inhaled the smoke into her lungs. After a few seconds, she again opened her mouth and began blowing out the smoke, directly at her daughter, as if to punish her. Karina then looked down, as if contemplating her next action. After a few seconds of deliberation, she then looked directly at her Mom and mimicked her actions of a few seconds before. Putting the cigarette to her mouth, she gently drew the smoke into her mouth, as she had done before. But this time, instead of blowing the smoke out, she opened her mouth and breathed in. She tried her best, but could not help coughing as the harsh smoke penetrated her young lungs. "Good lord, Mom, that was awful!" she said, spouting smoke with every word. "Well, I got used to it, and if you get used to it, you cannot stop," Keiko said softly, expecting a few kind words from her daughter, but got instead "Oh hell Mom, what are you, a wimp? Sometimes you've just got to bite the bullet." Keiko could not believe that she had raised such an unforgiving daughter. "Well, ok then, I make you a bet. If you start to smoke and become used to it and you quit, then I too will quit." "Deal!," shouted Karina, putting her right hand out. The two women had no sooner finished shaking hands then Karina was taking another puff from her still lit Salem 100. Another cough, however, was the result. Keiko simply smiled and said "Keep it up, big mouth." By the third puff, Karina was questioning her decision to smoke. Although she didn't cough this time, she started to feel a little dizzy and decided to stop. "Mom, how long does it take to get used to this?" "What are you, wimp?" Keiko said laughingly. "Sometimes you should eat bullets!! You smoke every day for six weeks and you will definitely be used to it." One cigarette a day for one and a half months, Karina reasoned. I should be able to handle that. "OK, but after six weeks, we both will quit together.. Deal?" "Ok, Karina, but after six weeks, if you EVER smoke a cigarette, I don't have to quit." Somewhat hesitatingly, Keiko shook hands with her daughter. As she drifted off to sleep, Keiko wondered just what she had gotten into. How stupid could she be, forcing her daughter to be a smoker just to get her off her back. What if Karina became addicted? Keiko knew that she herself could not quit, and she hated herself for it. She had tried everything: Nicorette Gum, the patch, and Cold Turkey more times than she could remember. She had tried so many, many times. Strangely, Keiko fretted even more over what would happen if Karina didn't like smoking. What if she had no trouble quitting? Remembering her own personal history, this didn't seem possible, but it was enough of a worry to cause one extremely sleepless night.. At that moment, Keiko realized she didn't want to go through the agony of nicotine withdrawal again, and she realized she must make sure that Karina likes smoking. After the six weeks were up, she reasoned, she would help her daughter to quit. She had a few leftover patches in her closet, and after only six weeks of smoking, it would be a snap for Karina to kick the habit. This way, she would not have to quit herself. Finally satisfied with her plan, she finally drifted off to sleep at 3 am. Karina awoke to the customary smell of cigarette smoke and immediately popped up out of bed. Still in her pajamas, she proceeded to the kitchen table, sat down, and said "Well, give me one. I'm ready for my daily ration!" Somewhat surprised, Keiko pushed the pack, along with her lighter, across the table to her daughter. As if she had done it all her life, Karina shook a cigarette out of the pack, put it in her mouth and lit it, although it took her two or three tries before she could work the lighter correctly. Trying to avoid her mother's stare, she gently sucked on the cigarette and then blew out a puff of uninhaled smoke. "Listen, if you don't do it right, then deal is off." Remembering her experience from the previous night, Karina frowned and resigned herself to her fate. "OK, ok," she said and proceeded to inhale the next puff. She then blew out a tiny stream of smoke without coughing. "There, now get off my back!" she said to her Mom. After a few more seconds, Karina took another, slightly longer, puff and blew out the smoke in the direction of her mother. "We'll see who's the wimp now!," she said. After a few more inhales, she put out the half finished cigarette. "What, that's all?, "said Keiko. "Gotta get ready for school," she said, although in truth she was feeling somewhat queasy but just didn't want to admit it. Feeling somewhat guilty, Keiko did not pursue the matter. As Keiko arrived home at 6:30, Karina was, as usual, already finished with her homework and was sitting on the couch watching TV when her Mom arrived. "Where have you been," questioned Karina. "I went shopping, can you please help me unload?" After carrying in the four bags of groceries, Karina was helping her Mom put the groceries . She was caught off guard when her Mom presented her with a pack of Salem 100s. "Here, " Keiko said, "I don't want you to keep bumming off me. And here's a lighter too. Go ahead, take them." After a moments hesitation, Karina grabbed the cigarettes and lighter and turned to walk away. "Let's smoke now, honey," said Keiko. "But Mom, I already smoked today." "You call that smoking? If you want me to quit, you have to smoke naturally. Please sit down." Karina responded to this friendly gesture and realized that her Mom was no longer hostile and was willing to live up to her part of the bargain. "OK, Mom, but just this once. I want to smoke only in the morning to get it over with. That way, I don't have to worry about if for the rest of the day." Keiko just smiled and watched her daughter open her first pack of cigarettes. The two women then proceeded to light up simultaneously. Karina still fumbled with her lighter, but managed to light her cigarette on the third attempt. As she inhaled for the first time, Karina made a funny face, as if to tell her Mom that she would smoke, but she wouldn't like it. As she blew out the smoke, Keiko noticed that her daughter did not cough or show any signs of discomfort. "Boy, like a pro," Keiko commented. "Yeah, piece of cake," said her daughter. Karina managed six more puffs before deciding she had had enough for the night. The next morning, Keiko was surprised to see her daughter come out of her bedroom, carrying a single cigarette in her fist, along with a lighter in her other hand. Sitting down next to her mother, Karina simply said "Might as well get if over with," and proceeded to light up. This time Karina had no problems with the lighter and took four drags in fairly rapid succession before putting her Salem 100 down in the ashtray, next to her mother's. "Whoa, talk about a head rush," she said, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes. "Honey, smoking makes you feel good when you first start. It's normal," said Keiko, stroking her daughters long black hair. After about a minute of relaxing, Karina sat back up and reached for her cigarette. Tapping off the ashes, she inhaled again. This was her longest inhale yet, as if she was trying to recreate the effects of her previous efforts. "Karina dear, don't overdo it. The cigarettes will be here when you get home from school." "You're right Mom, what the heck am I doing with this stupid thing. I need to get ready for school!" With that, she crushed out the cigarette, and went to get dressed. After a busy day at school, Karina returned home. She thought about smoking a cigarette, but decided not to. She would only smoke in the mornings and in six weeks this whole nightmare would be over. Her Mom would quit, and she wouldn't have to worry any more. At 5:30, Keiko returned home from work, and immediately sat down on the couch next to her daughter and lit a cigarette. "Oh, that feels good," she said. "Care to join me, Karina?" "No thanks," Karina said, "I'll have one in the morning, thank you!" This worried Keiko. "Oh no!," she thought, "she doesn't like it. I am doomed!" The rest of the night was uneventful, and the two women went to bed at around 10. The next day started just as the previous day had, with Karina making the trek to the kitchen table, cigarette in hand, and lighting up with her mother "just to get it over with." This time, however, she smoked an entire cigarette for the first time, taking a full ten puffs before crushing out her Salem 100 next to her mother's. After she was finished, she leaned back in her chair and relaxed, seeming to enjoy the experience immensely. "You liked that, didn't you?" said Keiko. "Don't be ridiculous, mother, I'm just tired, that's all!" That afternoon, Keiko again offered her daughter a cigarette. After a minute of contemplation, Karina grudgingly obliged, taking a Salem from her Mom's pack, along with a light from her mother. Karina now, her mother noticed, was taking slightly longer drags, as if attempting to feel an effect from the smoke. Karina smoked the entire cigarette again, and crushed it out next to her mother's. Karina woke up early the next morning. Try as she might, she couldn't get back to sleep and decided to get up early and do a little preparation for her exam in third period that day. Realizing that it was only 6:30, she knew that her mother would not be up yet, and it would be a perfect opportunity to get her daily smoking out of the way. She could show her Mom the butt in the ashtray as proof that she had smoked her required cigarette. Grabbing her textbook, cigarettes and lighter, she went to the kitchen table, where she always studied, and lit up. This cigarette seemed to go much faster than the previous ones, and Karina was finished in about five minutes. However, she also noticed that she was only slightly buzzed, and didn't experience the head rush of the previous days cigarette. "Oh well, " she thought, and continued to study at the table. About 15 minutes later, Karina heard some rustling upstairs, and for the first time (she wasn't usually up before her Mom), noticed coughing coming from the upstairs bedroom. The coughing continued for a few minutes, and then her Mom came down the stairs, cigarette in hand and sat down next to her. "Well, honey, I see you're ready for morning requirement!" said Keiko. "Well, Mom, you see�OK" said Karina, realizing that her Mom had no idea that she had already smoked. Karina then lit up her second cigarette of the morning. This time, however, she quickly noticed the previous mornings head rush reappearing. "Cool," she thought, and continued to puff. After finishing the cigarette, Karina went to her room to get dressed. That afternoon, Karina needed no prodding to accept a cigarette from her mother. She somewhat eagerly accepted, careful to keep her excitement in check, and proceeded to smoke her third cigarette of the day. As she stamped out her cigarette next to her mother's, she made sure to say "only two cigarettes a day, that's it! Then in 5 � more weeks, you quit smoking!" She lived up to her promise for the next few days, smoking with her mother in the morning and in the afternoon. Keiko noticed, however, that her inhaling was becoming much deeper, and that she was smoking the entire cigarette, inhaling perhaps 10 or more times per cigarette. As she finished her afternoon cigarette, her mother couldn't help but think she had nothing to worry about. On her fifth day of smoking Karina got home from school around 3:30. It had been an unusually light day at school, and she realized she had no homework to do! As she walked into her room, she noticed her pack of Salem 100s sitting on her dresser. "What if I smoked now, " she thought. "Mom would never know. Cool!" So she shook free a Salem and lit it in her bedroom. She noticed that the pack was more than half gone. "Did I smoke all those?, she quietly wondered. As she sat and smoked her cigarette, she realized that she actually enjoyed it, and it felt good. Keiko arrived home at 5:30 and the two women smoked their usual afternoon cigarette. This time, however, both women finished at the same time and crushed out their Salems simultaneously. Karina's third cigarette now became a trend, and she would smoke every day after school, before her mother came home. After a few days, Keiko noticed that Karina had run out of cigarettes. She was of course more than happy to supply her with another pack. Karina was now a 3 cigarette a day smoker. "I shouldn't worry," she thought, "my Mom smokes ten times this much!" This trend continued for the next week, with Karina inhaling nicotine about 30 times a day and beginning to enjoy it immensely. Keiko realized at this point that their were only four weeks to go, and Karina may be able to quit her 3 cigarette a day habit, thereby forcing Keiko herself to quit her 30 cigarette a day addiction. This called for immediate action, and Keiko responded, realizing that she did not care to go through the agony of nicotine withdrawal, even though it meant that her daughter may have to. That night, after Karina had already smoked her customary 3 cigarettes, Keiko decided to offer Karina another cigarette. Karina needed no further encouragement, and simply smiled and nodded. Karina inhaled deeply and blew a long stream of smoke all the way to the ceiling. For the first time, Karina noticed that there was enough smoke in her lungs for another exhale. Upon seeing this, her mother smiled knowingly. She knew then that her daughter was getting hooked. The next night, Karina brought her own pack of cigarettes with her and didn't wait for her Mom to encourage her. She simply lit up after dinner. "I've decided I can smoke four cigarettes a day, Mom, " she said. Her Mom just smiled and nodded. Karina continued to smoke her four cigarettes for the next week or so and then, without informing Keiko, began to smoke more often. When asked about it by her mother, Karina simply said, "Oh, I only have three more weeks to smoke, so I might as well smoke when I want." That won't hurt me, will it? I won't start coughing in the morning like you, will I" "Of course not, Karina, I smoke 1 and half pack a day and for 25 years, since I am 12. Don't worry." The next day she quietly slipped her pack of Salem 100s into her purse in the morning and took them with her to school. On the way to school, she stopped in the park and managed to sneak a cigarette without anyone noticing her. Feeling relieved that no one had seen her, she made the same stop on the way home. With encouragement from her Mom, Karina happily worked her way up to about 8 cigarettes a day for the next two weeks. She had two in the morning with her Mom, one on the way to school, one on the way home, and four with her mother after school. On weekends, she kept the same schedule, never smoking except for her allotted times. She inhaled deeply each and every time, without a worry. Until Field Hockey started, that is. The first day of practice called for wind sprints, ten of them! Karina had never had problems like this before! What was the problem? She had heard in school that smoking left you short of breath, but she didn't smoke that much. Not nearly as much as her Mom, or even as much as those girls she always saw in front of the school. Those girls got cut from the team last year, she realized. She told the coach she was just getting over the flu, and she'd do much better the next day. On the way home from school that night, she decided not to smoke, because she didn't want to be so short of breath. But as she walked the mile and a half to her house, she could not stop thinking about smoking! She felt somewhat jittery and anxious for no apparent reason and could not get her mind off the contents of her purse. "What is wrong with me?," she thought. Oh well, I guess I just like it, that's all. So she made her now customary stop at the park and lit up. As she crushed out her cigarette and blew out her last wisp of smoke, she noticed that she now could concentrate on things other than smoking, and that she generally felt more alert and less nervous. "This is weird, " she thought to herself. She was now not only concerned about her lack of performance on the hockey field, but also about her newfound smoking habit. That night, after smoking her seventh cigarette, she asked her Mom, "Mom, can you run?" "What do you mean, dear?" said Keiko. "I mean can you run, like play sports, even though you smoke so much?" Her Mom just giggled and said "I am out of breath to walk the stairs. Sorry, honey." Keiko realized that maybe she was too blunt with her daughter about the realities of smoking, and tried to backpedal. "But that takes a long time, honey, don't worry, you're going to quit in a week anyway. We both will!" "I guess you're right Mom. The season doesn't start for 3 more weeks anyway, and I'm going to show you how to quit!" She continued to question her Mom. "Mom, when did you start smoking?" "I started when I was 13 years old when I was in Tokyo," came the reply. "Why do you want to know, dear?" "Oh, I don't know, I was just wondering how you got to smoke so much that you couldn't quit," said Karina. "Oh, that's an easy answer, Karina. Once you get used to it, you smoke more and more and more until you reach level. You just can't help it. Even when I only smoke 10 cigarette each day, I still couldn't quit. I realize this when I am 14." With that answer, Keiko again realized that she may have been too blunt with her daughter and again tried to backpedal. "But don't worry, Karina, you don't smoke 10 cigarettes each day, you only smoke 5, right?" You will be fine." "You're right, Mom," she said. Her Mom didn't realize that she was sneaking cigarettes both to and from school, as well as one at home before her Mom arrived. Karina didn't realize that her Mom was stretching the truth, and was hooked on nicotine almost immediately. Karina continued to struggle at Field Hockey for the next few days, but she improved slightly as she ran more and more. Her skill was enough to allow her to overcome her decreased lung capacity. But she was worried about being so out of breath and decided to take action. On the way home from school, she decided to stop at the 7-11 and buy a pack of Salem Lights. "Light cigarettes! This way I'll be able to finish the bet with my Mom and have more breath! I only have five more days of smoking, hopefully this will help." Although she was extremely nervous and made sure that no one she knew was in the store, she managed to purchase her cigarettes. Although she was just 16, it was difficult to tell her age, so she had no problem with the clerk asking for ID. As she hurried to the park to light up, she felt that she had solved her problem. With the first drag from her new cigarettes, she could tell the difference. "These taste like air," she thought, and quickly took another, deeper, drag. And then another. As she blew out the smoke from her third drag in five seconds, she at last felt relief. That gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach disappeared and she was able to relax. She finished this cigarette in record fashion and started home. As she walked in the front door and set her books down on the table, a strange feeling hit her. It was the same feeling she now got regularly in the mornings and during the afternoons at school. It was an antsy, nervous feeling throughout her body. Although she didn't fully realize it yet, it was a craving for nicotine. She immediately sat down at the table, fumbled in her purse for her lighter, and lit up. As she inhaled, she again realized that these were light cigarettes, and she compensated by taking very long puffs and even held in the smoke for several seconds before exhaling. After four or five inhales, she again felt a sudden wave of relief over her entire body. "Ah, that's better," she thought. "I must be extremely nervous about this Field Hockey thing." Concentrating on her cigarette, Karina failed to notice that her Mom had arrived home, opened the front door, and was now watching her from the living room. "Hi, Karina!," said Keiko. Startled, Karina spun around, cigarette in hand and said. "Oh, hi Mom, I, um, decided to smoke because I was bored. Nothing else to do." "You don't have to explain anything to me, Karina, except where you get those cigarettes!" "Oh, these, well, I wanted to see what these taste like. That's all. Plus, they're not as bad for you, and I don't want to do any permanent damage to my lungs." "Honey, you're too young to worry about that stuff," replied Keiko, somewhat worriedly. Not worried about her daughter's health, but about the fact that her daughter had switched to Light cigarettes. "Maybe she can quit easy now," she thought to herself. Never having smoked Lights herself, Keiko had no idea what might happen. Keiko then joined Karina at the table and lit up her usual Salem 100. "Can I try one of those?," she then said to her daughter. "OK, Mom, but you just lit that one!" "Here, you have this one, and I try one of yours," she said, handing her cigarette to her daughter. "Mom! OK, but just this once. I like the Lights better." With that, the two women then sat and smoked their cigarettes. Karina noticed an immediate difference and felt somewhat light-headed after smoking her third cigarette in 45 minutes. Keiko, on the other hand, couldn't help but comment to her daughter, "These taste like air." Upon hearing this, Karina thought that it was weird that , after smoking for only 5 weeks, her reaction would be so similar to her Mom's. Later that same night, Karina smoked her seventh and eighth cigarettes of the day, one at 6:30, and another at 7:30. This was the earliest in the day that she had finished her usual allotment, but she couldn't seem to help it. Around 8:30, she began to feel jittery, and lit up again in the living room. "Karina, how many cigarettes you smoked today?" asked her Mom in her usual broken English. "Oh, Mom, five, no six, because you made me smoke that extra one!" came the reply. "Karina, don't worry, I am just wondering. Don't snap off my head. I don't care how many cigarettes you smoke. You will quit in five days, right? So it doesn't matter." "You're right, Mom, sorry," said her daughter, somewhat embarrassed. Feeling somewhat comforted by her mother's words, Karina decided to smoke once more before going to bed, her tenth cigarette of the day. The next day went as usual, with Karina smoking before and after breakfast, and on the way to school. She noticed, however, that, with the Salem Lights, she smoked faster and inhaled much more deeply. "It's ok," she reasoned, "these are Light cigarettes." In her third period class, Karina noticed the usual jittery feeling coming back, much sooner that it usually did at school. During fourth period, the nervousness was almost overwhelming, and when the bell rang for lunch, she knew what she had to do. Because her school had an open lunch policy, she was free to leave the campus as she pleased. Although she usually brought her lunch and ate with friends, she excused herself and instead walked out of the school and down the street. As soon as she was two blocks from the school, she could take it no more! "I've got to have a cigarette," she thought. So she discreetly opened her purse, pulled out a cigarette and lit up very quickly. As she inhaled on her cigarette and was replacing her lighter, she noticed that in the bottom of her purse was a half filled pack of Salem 100s. "Oh geez," she thought. "I'll just give those back to Mom tonight." Being very careful not to be seen, Karina quickly and completely inhaled her cigarette and felt much better. As she walked back towards the school, she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Hey, Karina, I didn't know you were a smoker?" As Karina turned around, she noticed one of the girls, a Filipina, she had always seen smoking in front of school. "I'm Marissa, remember me from Field Hockey last year?" "Oh yeah, hi. I'm not really a smoker, I just have this bet with my Mom to get her to quit. I'll quit in a few days," said Karina, very embarrassed. Marissa was very good looking, and Karina always wondered how someone like that could smoke. "That's cool, I smoke too you know. But I was wondering, could I bum a cigarette off you? I haven't had one since this morning and I'm really dying, " Marissa pleaded. "Oh sure," replied Karina, but you have to promise that you won't tell anybody that you saw me smoking. Promise?, Karina said, as she reached into her purse and pulled out one of the Salem 100s from her old pack. Karina held the cigarette in her hand, as if to pull it back if Marissa didn't promise. "I promise, I promise!," Marissa pleaded. Karina then gave her the cigarette and Marissa quickly pulled a lighter out of her pocket and lit up. After a few very deep drags, Marissa exclaimed "Wow, these are strong!! When I first started two years ago, I smoked those full-strength ones. But I switched to Lights because I was worried about, you know, Lung Cancer and stuff. But you know what, I smoke like twice as many every day. I'm almost up to a pack." Karina just nodded and said "Look, I really have to go. Remember that promise!" Karina then quickly headed off back to school, trying not to be seen with the well known smoker Marissa. On her way home from school, Karina hurried to the park and quickly lit up her fifth cigarette that day, feeling very relieved after several deep inhales. As she sat smoking on the bench in the park, Karina thought about what had happened that day. Marissa was really good at Field Hockey in junior high, but she just couldn't keep up with the other girls last year. She got cut from the team. Was it because she smokes? And what about her comment about the light cigarettes? It was true that she was smoking more, but was it because of the light cigarettes? Karina felt much better and less worried after finishing her cigarette. After she got home, she immediately sat down at the table and reached into her purse. Before she had even realized it, she was already inhaling another cigarette. "That was weird," she thought. When her Mom got home, Karina joined her at the table and both women lit up together. When Keiko finished her cigarette, she crushed out her cigarette next to Karina's, which her daughter had already finished. "You are faster than your Mom! But don't worry, only three more days until we quit together," said her Mom. Karina thought that it was kind of strange that her Mom always brought up that subject, even though she had always said it was impossible to quit. For the first time, Karina realized that it was going to be hard to quit smoking. "I'm a lot tougher than my Mom. I'm sure I can do it," she thought to herself. That night Karina smoked four more cigarettes. For the next few days, Karina continued to smoke 10 Salem Lights a day. If she attempted to cut down, she was unable to concentrate on anything but her lack of a cigarette. During lunch at school, she managed to avoid Marissa as well as the other students while sneaking her now necessary lunch time cigarette. As for Field Hockey, she continued to struggle and was demoted to second string. She noticed that her lungs now burned if she was forced to sprint more than a few yards. Smoking light cigarettes didn't seem to help. "Oh well, once I stop smoking after tomorrow, I will show them! One more day" she thought. As she went home that afternoon, she realized that after tomorrow she had to quit smoking. As she finished her cigarette in the park on the way home, she remained worried about what was to happen the next day and quickly lit another cigarette, which seemed to calm her down enough to continue home. As Keiko arrived home, Karina was seated at the table, smoking a cigarette. "Oh, Hi Mom," she said, blowing out a thin stream of smoke that seemed to go on forever. Keiko then sat down beside her and lit her own cigarette. After a few more pulls from her cigarette, Karina crushed her Salem Light into the ashtray. "Well, honey, tomorrow is last day smoking for both of us, so we should make the most of it!," she said to Karina. "What do you mean Mom?" "I mean we should have party to celebrate!" Keiko then proceeded to the refrigerator where she removed a bottle of Chardonnay and placed it on the table. Karina certainly thought that this was strange, but really didn't object, other than to say "Mom, I'm only 16!" Keiko then poured two glasses of the wine. "To quitting smoking," she said, holding up her glass. Karina didn't really like the wine, but she managed to finish her glass in about 15 minutes. This was her first ever brush with alcohol, and she certainly felt the affects after only one glass. "Wow, Mom, am I drunk?" she giggled. "I don't know, Karina, but please smoke! This is almost last day." Keiko, although she was somewhat confident about the situation, still was somewhat worried. So she decided that Karina should smoke as much as possible, with her assistance (as well as the wine's), just to firmly place the hook. "No problem Mom, I'm getting used to smoking," Karina giggled, cigarette and lighter already in hand. As Keiko watched her daughter inhale smoke deeply into her young lungs, she felt somewhat ashamed that she had done this to her daughter. But those thoughts were quickly dismissed. If she caught her daughter smoking a cigarette after tomorrow, then she will have won the bet, and she wouldn't have to quit. She could then help her Karina to quit. Karina didn't drink any more wine, but did manage to smoke 6 more cigarettes that night, for a total of 13 that day. As she woke up the next morning, Karina realized that she had smoked all her Salem Lights and had no more. Oh well, she would just have to smoke her Mom's cigarettes. No use in buying any more Lights today, because they were quitting tomorrow. Karina then got up and went into the kitchen and sat down. "Mom, can I bum a cigarette off you? I smoked all mine last night." Keiko just smiled and retrieved her a fresh pack of Salem 100s. Karina then lit up and inhaled deeply, as if she was still smoking her Salem Lights. "Whoah, " she thought, "this feels really good!" The two women then sat silently and finished their cigarettes. As the day proceeded, Karina smoked her usual number of cigarettes: 2 in the morning, one on the way to school, one at lunch, and 2 in the park after school. The fact that they were full flavor cigarettes didn't seem to hinder her at all. As she finished her last cigarette before heading home, Karina began to get very nervous about the next day. "What if I can't do it?," she thought. "Why did I start smoking? I'm so stupid! Mom was right!" For the first time, Karina admitted to herself that she was addicted to smoking. Karina had discovered what millions of young women before her had already found out. There was little discussion among the two women that night. Keiko seemed very nervous and chain smoked all night. "What if I have to really quit? I'll die!," she thought to herself. Karina retreated to her bedroom, where she smoked and finished her homework. Over the course of the evening, Karina smoked five more of her Salem 100s. At 10pm, Keiko ducked her head into Karina's bedroom and saw her daughter laying in bed, with a cigarette burning in an ashtray on the nightstand. Tomorrow's the day! Good luck!" Karina just nodded and her Mom left the room. "Does she know I'm addicted?, " Karina wondered. She then finished her cigarette and turned out the light, blowing a thin stream of smoke into the darkness. Karina was awakened by the sound of the door opening. "I'll take those, young lady, " said her Mom, grabbing the pack of Salem 100s laying on Karina's nightstand. "No problem Mom, what time is it?" "Five am," said Keiko, "I just wanted to make sure you didn't cheat." "Why would I cheat?," Karina said bravely. She then placed her head back on the pillow and tried to go back to sleep. After about ten minutes, she realized the effort was futile and sat up in bed. "Five am and I already want a cigarette. Great.", she thought. She then tried to imagine how her poor Mom must feel. But she quickly overcame any feelings of compassion for her Mom. "This whole stupid thing was her idea," she thought. Getting up, she found her Mom seated at the table, reading the newspaper. "OK, how do I make sure that YOU don't cheat," she said to Keiko. "I guess we go by the honor system," came the reply. "You don't smoke, I don't smoke." Keiko seemed very confident, but in reality had already smoked a cigarette that morning at 4:30, and then showered before she went into Karina's room. She had no intention of quitting, realizing the futility of even trying. All she needed to do was catch her daughter smoking and she would be home free. "I searched the house and I think I throw away all cigarettes," Keiko said. In fact, she had hidden an opened pack of cigarettes and a lighter in the kitchen drawer, hoping that Karina would find them. She carefully counted 9 cigarettes in the pack. "I may have missed some. If you find any, please throw them away," she continued, hoping this hint would aid her efforts. Keiko of course also had her own personal supply hidden in the car. Karina then got ready for school and left rather early. As she made her way to school, she looked wistfully at the park, where she had spent many hours happily smoking her beloved cigarettes. All she could think about was the feeling of smoke in her lungs and how she missed it. Oh, how she missed it! She was barely able to see straight, let alone concentrate on anything but getting a cigarette. She arrived at school very early that day, and there was still 45 minutes before the first bell. She wondered what she was going to do. Should she really try to quit? As she sat down in front of the school, she noticed a very familiar, enticing smell. Looking behind her, she caught sight of Marissa, perhaps 20 yards away, sitting and smoking. "Oh my god," she thought to herself. "What should I do?" Without giving it another thought, she raised her nicotine deprived body and hurriedly walked over to Marissa and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey, what's up," Marissa said, smoke emanating from her mouth with every syllable. "Not much, just thought I'd say hi," said Karina. "By the way, you owe me a cigarette," she said, smiling. "Oh yeah, I guess I do. Here" she said as she handed a Marlboro Light 100 to Karina. "Do you have a light too?," Karina added, realizing that her Mom had taken her lighter that morning. Karina quickly lit her cigarette and proceeded to smoke it in front of the school. As she watched Karina hungrily consume her first cigarette of the day, Marissa smiled and said "Slow down girl! Talk about a nicotine fit!" Karina smiled, somewhat embarrassed, realizing that she was indeed having a major nic fit. After a few moments, Karina stepped on her cigarette and said goodbye to Marissa, hoping that no one had seen her. As she was walking away, Karina realized that this cigarette was her first ever without menthol, and she liked it. Feeling somewhat relaxed, Karina headed into school. Her first two periods went rather well, but there was still a nagging feeling of emptiness, like something was missing in the middle of her body. Every time she thought about it, it seemed to get worse until she finally decided that she had no choice but to buy cigarettes at lunch. After what seemed like an eternity, the lunch bell finally rang. Karina was the first one out of the room, as she hurriedly made her way out of the school and down the street to the Circle K. She actually ran part of the way. As she reached the counter, she noticed the Marlboros were right there on the counter, and she didn't even have to ask for them. She quickly grabbed a pack of Marlboro 100s, and payed the required $2.50 to the woman behind the counter. Karina had already began opening the pack of cigarettes when the woman asked "Matches with that?". "Oh yes," replied Karina, realizing that she had no lighter. Karina then walked out the door, took two paces to the right and finished opening her cigarettes. As she removed the gold foil from the box, she realized that these cigarettes had orange filters. "Oh well, they'll do the job, even if they are ugly," she thought. She then awkwardly struck a match and held the lit flame to the end of her cigarette. As she breathed in deeply, her shoulders rose noticeably, and she felt a warm tingling sensation in her chest. Holding the smoke in her lungs to savor the feeling, she finally exhaled, and her shoulders slumped to their normal positions. "Wow, this is a cigarette," she thought as she began inhaling once again. Never before had she tasted such a strong tobacco flavor. After 12 puffs, the cigarette was gone and Karina felt normal once again. Looking at her watch, she realized that it had only taken her 10 minutes to arrive at the store, purchase the cigarettes and smoke one. She had fifty more minutes to go. For the first time in the day, she was able to think clearly and decided to eat her lunch and then go back to school. Of course she was no sooner done with her lunch when she felt the need to smoke another of her new cigarettes. Karina now realized she was a smoker, and couldn't easily quit. It was just too hard. What would everyone say when they found out? She quickly dispelled this notion and walked into school. Later, as she was finishing her sixth period class, she again felt a nagging craving for a cigarette. "It's only been two hours, what's wrong with me?," she thought to herself. Most of the students leave after sixth period, except for the athletes like Karina; they stay for practice. Karina had about 15 minutes before Field Hockey practice was to begin, and she made the most of it, hurrying out to the front of the school and quietly lighting up. After another agonizing day of Field Hockey practice, in which she couldn't even keep up with second string, Karina showered and began walking home at 5:30. Looking at her watch, she realized it had been another 2 hours without a cigarette, and she could definitely tell. It was very difficult to concentrate on anything but her desperate need to inhale cigarette smoke. "This sucks, "she thought. "I kind of like smoking, but I don't like HAVING to smoke so much. Shit!!" Reaching into her bag, she quickly removed another Marlboro 100 and lit up, inhaling quickly and deeply. Just then the thought hit her. "Shit, I'm supposed to have quit today! I can't smoke at home tonight! What the hell am I going to do?" Pondering her options, Karina continued to puff needily on her cigarette. By the time she passed the park, she had already finished her long cigarette. "I need to think," she thought, and sat down on a bench. She knew from her experiences over the past few weeks that it was going to be very difficult not to smoke for the rest of the evening. "I'll die," she thought. "I guess the only thing I can do is to smoke again and hope it lasts." With that thought, she again reached into her bag and removed her pack of Marlboro 100s. Lighting up her sixth cigarette of the day, she concentrated on taking long puffs and holding the smoke in for long periods of time, techniques that she had noticed had given her more satisfaction in the past. She also counted the number of inhales, and when she reached 15, the cigarette was too small to allow any more meaningful nicotine. Holding in the smoke for the final time, she held her breath as long as she could, and when she finally released it, only the slightest wisp of smoke escaped from her young mouth. Feeling extremely satisfied, in fact almost lightheaded, she headed home. "That ought to do it!," she reasoned. Arriving home that night, Karina noticed that it was already after 6, and her Mom would be arriving home soon. So she quickly went in to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She also sprayed herself vigorously with her favorite perfume and put two sticks of bubble gum in her mouth to help hide the smell of her addiction. As her Mom pulled into the driveway, Karina jumped on the couch and turned on the TV. "Oh, hi Mom," Karina said nonchalantly as Keiko walked into the house. She noticed that her Mom was also chewing gum. "Hi dear, how was your day?," her Mom asked as she sat down at the table. "Oh, the usual," responded her daughter. Keiko got up as if to begin making dinner and opened the drawer where she had hidden the cigarettes. One, two �nine! "Damn!," she thought. "Maybe Karina didn't smoke today." Keiko had kept up her usual smoking during the day, inhaling her 15 Salem 100s on the way to work , at breaks (she usually took 3 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon), during lunch (when she usually smoked 3 more), and on the way home. But now was the time when she always smoked her 15 remaining cigarettes in the five hours until bedtime. What the hell was she going to do? She was already feeling the burn of nicotine withdrawal and she had only been home a few minutes!! "It's all in my head, " she repeated to herself. "I can do this." Karina, on the other hand, was still feeling fine and had no problem starting the conversation. "So, how was not smoking today?," she asked her mother. "Oh, um, it was fine, dear," shouted Keiko from the kitchen. "How about you?" "No problems here, Mom," she shouted back. There was no further talk. Keiko thought it strange that her daughter, who just a few weeks before was bragging that she could quit with no problem, had not bragged or harassed her about quitting for quite some time before yesterday. And today she was also silent. The two women finished eating around 8 and were seated at the table. Throughout the entire meal, there was hardly any conversation. Karina noticed that, as her Mom picked up her fork, her hand trembled slightly. "Honey, you don't usually smell so nice. What happened?," Keiko quizzed her daughter, who snapped back "What's the matter, can't I smell nice sometimes?!" "Why you nasty girl! How dare you snap at me like that!," snapped back the usually even-tempered Keiko. "Whatever, Mom!," Karina yelled back and stomped into her room. Both women were obviously very short-tempered for some reason! As she lay down on her bed, Karina caught sight of her purse and, realizing its contents, began to crave a cigarette. Keiko, on the other hand, was already halfway to her car. She realized that Karina would probably be stewing for quite some time and now was her perfect chance to smoke. She grabbed for her cigarettes hidden in the glove box and, in a single motion, opened the pack and pushed in the car lighter. After what seemed like an eternity, the lighter popped back out and she was finally able to inhale her nicotine. She just sat in her car seat and absorbed as much smoke as possible with each of her inhales. She was very quickly done with her first cigarette and quickly transitioned into another. Karina was meanwhile miserable. Her whole body from her head down to her toes, craved the drug which she had unwittingly become addicted to. She opened her purse and pulled out her pack of Marlboro 100s. Staring at it, she sighed, realizing that she needed to light one and inhale it several times to even begin to feel better. Resigned to her fate, she grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and opened her door. She planned on spilling the beans. She was now a smoker, she would tell her Mom, and they had both better get used to it. But when she looked around, her Mom was nowhere to be found. She must have gone upstairs to sulk in her room. So Karina quickly slid across the room, opened the front door and very quietly closed it. Her cigarette was lit within five seconds of closing the door. As she inhaled deeply, she felt a sudden wave of relief as the nicotine entered her bloodstream. She exhaled her first drag and began another when she noticed her mother staring at her from across the lawn. Karina, caught in the middle of a huge drag, embarrassingly blew out her smoke and looked down to the ground. "Karina, you are smoking!," said her Mom. "Mom, I just um�decided I didn't want to quit smoking just yet. I'm sorry. You should be happy, you won our bet," Karina said softly. Keiko had mixed emotions. On the one hand, she was relieved that she could now smoke openly in front of her daughter. But on the other hand, she was sad to see that, because of her stupid addiction, her daughter had now become a smoker just like her. "Karina honey, don't apologize. Let's go inside," said her mother. The two women then went inside and sat at the table. Karina sat her pack of Marlboro 100s and her lighter on the table and placed her cigarette in the empty ashtray. "Karina, may I have cigarette?," said Keiko. "Sure Mom, you must be desperate," replied Karina. "At last you understand," her mother said as she lit up one of her daughters cigarettes. "Now Karina, I am actually very sad that you smoke now. I feel very bad that I make you smoke, and I hope you quit before it gets too late." "What do you mean too late?," Karina asked. "Karina, I know you have watched me smoke for many years. I have to smoke. Every hour, every day. You only smoke a few cigarettes a day, so I want to help you stop before you are like me and have to smoke everywhere you go, always." "You mean you don't even like smoking, Mom?," Karina asked. "Well, yes, I do enjoy it sometimes, but sometimes it is a big pain, like in movies or on planes. We have Japanese saying: smoking is like breathing oxygen. It is not really fun, but don't try to stop doing it." "But you didn't smoke today and you seemed to be fine," said Karina. "Actually, to tell you the truth, I cheated�all day," her mother said and then smiled. "Karina honey," she added, "remember last year when I tried to quit and got those patches? Well, I have almost all of them left. Please take them." Keiko then reached out and touched Karina's hand. "Mom, I really appreciate that but I CAN quit if I want. I just don't want to, that's all. I don't need patches or anything. I'm only 16 and a half." Keiko became visibly sad at this comment by her daughter and silently finished her cigarette. "She is very stubborn girl," she thought. The rest of the evening went normally, with neither woman mentioning their failed attempt to quit smoking. Over the next few months, Karina continued to smoke about 10 cigarettes each day, a bit more on weekends. She decided that she liked Salem 100s the best and stuck with them, now taking them wherever she went. She now became a regular in front of the school at lunch and made several new smoking friends, Marissa included. As summer break approached, she put less and less energy into her sports and was relieved when Field Hockey season ended. She often thought about trying to quit, but always came back for more. She realized that, even after only 4 months of smoking, cigarettes had started to take over her life. Every day she smoked with her Mom both before and after breakfast. Keiko realized that Karina had virtually copied her smoking style exactly. The inhales were of equal length, both women held in their smoke for about the same time, and tilted their heads back slightly to exhale. Keiko also noticed that after the first exhale, smoke would appear from Karina's nostrils for the next two or three breaths. Keiko had no doubt in her mind that her beautiful daughter was fully addicted to her cigarettes. During the three month summer break, Karina found that the extra free time, as well as her new friends, caused her to smoke even more, and soon she was smoking 15 cigarettes a day. When she would go out with her Mom, both women would light up at seemingly every opportunity. "You smoke too much," Keiko told her daughter on more than one occasion. "Look who's talking," Karina would reply, realizing that her Mom had no comeback. One night in July, the two women decided to go see a movie. Keiko smoked right up to the door, putting her cigarette out in the ash can on the way into the theater. Karina only smoked one cigarette in the car and none in front of the theater. She waited patiently while her Mom finished her Salem 100. The two women sat through 5 previews, lasting about 10 minutes and then the movie began. It was a Spike Lee film, and Karina didn't realize the length was well over two hours. After about two hours in the theater, Keiko noticed her daughter seemed very fidgety. Finally the movie ended. They had arrived late and were therefore seated near the front, and had to wait for everyone else to leave first. Keiko watched sadly as her daughter opened her purse and pulled out her box of Salem 100s as they were filing out of the theater. After making their way through the lobby, both women had cigarette and lighter in hand upon reaching the door. Karina was first to light up, and inhaled twice without exhaling, something her mother had never seen her do before. As they walked to the car, Keiko realized Karina was addicted as she was. The next time they went to a movie together, Keiko noticed that Karina lit a fresh cigarette and smoked it before going into the theater. Near the end of the summer, it happened. Karina woke up at her usual time and all she did was sit up and breath. She suddenly felt something catch in her throat and started coughing. It wasn't an uncontrollable cough, but something which needed to be done. After a few minutes, she was able to catch her breath and went out into the kitchen. She lit a Salem 100 and waited for her Mom to come downstairs. Karina was often the first one up. After a few minutes, she heard noises upstairs and then her Mom's usual morning cough. She realized that her cough had sounded remarkably similar to her Mom's, but of course much shorter in duration. She again thought of quitting, but remembered the difficulty she had when she tried to quit before, and she smoked much more now. During her junior year in high school, Karina turned 17 and shortly thereafter became a pack a day smoker, inhaling her nicotine well over 200 times daily. She found that she needed to smoke not only at lunch, but also between classes, something which she did with great difficulty, because there were only ten minutes available. She often saw Marissa smoking between classes as well. She tried out for the basketball team, but quit after only one practice. She resigned herself to no more athletics. Her Mom often apologized to her. "I'm so sorry, Karina," she would say as they smoked together. "Please forgive me." The end.
terça-feira, 21 de junho de 2022
A lovely lady who needs her cigarette
A lovely lady who needs her cigarette lit to pull that dirty, pleasurable, relaxing smoke into her desperate lungs. It’s become so easy to keep lighting them. Far too often. She just can’t help herself. They’re so easy to buy. So easy to feel the smoke in her lungs melting her anxieties away. She knows she should stop. It’s just so difficult and worryingly… a growing part of her doesn’t want to give them up. Would it be so bad if she didn’t?
Pam & Julie (The Deal, First Reprise)
Since the original "Deal" story seemed to go over so well, I thought I'd
take Don's "Reprise" follow-up and expand it a little. Nothing special - I'm not even sure I'm happy with it - but it's got a little different spin than the original. Enjoy. *** Part 1 Julie was surprised to find herself thinking so often about smoking. Although she had to admit to herself that, during the last three or four packs of her carton, she was enjoying her cigarettes, she truly did not imagine herself ever smoking again. In fact, she didn't really think of them as "her" cigarettes; they were more like Pam's cigarettes that she had been allowed, or "required," to smoke. One morning, after Julie had gotten ready for school and Pam was taking a shower, Julie was moved to sneak a VS 120 from her mom's pack. More than anything else, she was curious to see if she could still smoke, and if after a week of not smoking the sensation remained the same. Julie went downstairs into the kitchen where the smoke of her mom's last cigarette was still lingering thick in the air. Certainly, she could smoke one without getting caught. She quickly pulled one out of the nearly full pack and using Pam's lighter, gently drew in the flame. As the first molecule of smoke struck Julie's tongue, her memory was immediately revived... and to her amazement, it was one of delight. That first gentle drag suddenly became a forceful, purposeful one. She continued pulling on her mom's 120, thinking to herself 'Oh God, I can't believe how good this is! How I have missed this!'. Julie had earlier learned to breathe out her nose while dragging, so that the negative pressure in her lungs would easily pull the smoke in as she inhaled. She pulled the cigarette out from her lips, opened her mouth, and massaged the smoke into her lungs as she inhaled slowly, once again feeling the familiar and welcomed sensations of inhaling. And then something unexpected happened. As she held in the smoke from that first drag, Julie thought 'I want another one, NOW!'. She brought the cigarette to her lips, smoke still drafting out of the filter, and began a second drag while exhaling the first. This was something Julie had never done before. When smoking her carton, she always exhaled her smoke through her mouth. Occasionally, some residual smoke came out her nose, and she knew the sensation... but never before had she experienced tobacco taste like this before. She thought to herself 'so THIS is what tobacco REALLY tastes like!'. She finished the second drag, again exhaling entirely through her nose. Glancing at the clock, she noticed that her cigarette was already nearly half-gone. She decided that she had to do this again. Once more, she pulled forcefully on the first drag, inhaled, and then immediately began a second drag as she exhaled the first. Smoke was jetting downward out her nostrils as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the sensation. She felt her body react to the nicotine it had been missing for the last week as a mild "buzz" began to overtake her. She found that she enjoyed the sensation very much. Julie finished her cigarette with a few more single drags, ran the remnants under the sink faucet, and discreetly discarded the butt in the waste can. 'Made it,' she thought to herself, still hearing the sound of water running upstairs in her mom's bathroom. But now, getting caught was the least of Julie's concerns. Instead, her thoughts began to shift to when she would be able to do this again. Later, when her mom finished showering and came back down to the kitchen, she asked Julie if there had been a smoldering cigarette left in the ashtray. "I don't think so," Julie said. "Hmm," said Pam, "it sure smells smoky in here. Did you have one of my cigarettes?" Julie's face turned red. "No, of course not." "Because if you did, it's OK. After all, I've already seen you smoke a carton... I'm certainly not going to forbid you to smoke if you really want to." "I know, I know," replied Julie, "but I didn't." About 7:45 Pam and Julie got in the car for the daily drive to school. As soon as they pulled out of the driveway Pam pushed in the lighter, and reached into her pocketbook for a cigarette. Julie cracked her window open about an inch and watched her mom with the unlit 120 hanging from her lips. The lighter popped out, Pam pushed her cigarette against the red-hot element and drew a strong, even light. As she exhaled, leaving the cigarette hanging from her lips, she said to Julie, "I'm cold hon... would you close the window please?" Then she took a long, hard drag and, holding her cigarette in her right hand, placed her hand on the stick shift between the two seats. The sidestream smoke was wafting directly into Julie's face, and she breathed deeply, trying to draw it in, as she stared straight ahead. This was unusual, since Pam always held her cigarette in her left hand while driving, leaving the driver's side window open a bit. Julie knew what was going on here. So did Pam. "Do you have any tests at school today?" Pam asked. Julie said nothing. "Julie....Julie!" her mom said loudly. "Sorry, mom," Julie finally responded. "Did you say something?" Pam took in a deep drag and, intentionally exhaling in Julie's direction, said, "Yes! I asked if you had any tests today. What are you thinking about?" Pam knew exactly what was on Julie's mind. Julie hesitated and, just as she was about to answer, her eyes met her mom's stare. Pam smiled and, without saying a word, offered her half-smoked cigarette to Julie. After a split-second of hesitation, Julie quickly grabbed it and brought it to her lips, forming a tight seal directly in the center of her mouth. She dropped her hand and started pulling in a hard drag, holding her head steady as her cheeks began to hollow. After about five seconds she started to lean forward, toward the ash tray, while continuing to drag. She then snapped the cigarette from her lips, manicured the long hot-burning head as she was inhaling, and immediately began a second drag while exhaling the first. Pam smiled, watching her daughter admit her defeat, but still said nothing. She reached into her pocketbook for another cigarette, knowing that Julie wasn't about to return the 120. Pam lit up and luxuriously inhaled a long puff, then held out the pack to her daughter. Taking yet another puff, Julie eyes widened as she grabbed the pack while mid-drag and pulled out a fresh one, finished her drag, and inserted the unlit one in her lips. She lit it from the spent butt as smoke flowed in a thick stream from her nostrils and pulled even harder, taking advantage of the cooler burning newly lit cigarette. This time, she began a second drag without removing the cigarette from her lips, while crushing out her finished cigarette in the car ash tray. It still wasn't enough, as her lungs demanded more of what they had become accustomed to over the last month. Clutching her mom's pack of VS's like a lifesaver, she took a third consecutive drag before finally removing the cigarette from her lips. Pam observed her daughter's behavior with a combination of amazement and understanding. Asking the obvious, she said, "Julie, do you want to start smoking regularly?" Again, Julie was mid-drag when she started to slowly but enthusiastically nod her head in agreement. She finished her drag, inhaled deeply, and slowly exhaled as she continued to nod. Finally, she spoke. "Yes, yes, yes! Oh yes, mom, please, I DO want to smoke! Everyday, everywhere, every minute, every chance I get!", she said giddily. They arrived at the back entrance to the school building about five minutes late. All of the other students had already gone inside for the first class of the day. Julie was nursing the last few drags out of her cigarette, which by now was nearly down to the filter. "I wish I didn't have to go to school today," lamented Julie. "That's why I asked if you had any tests today," said Pam. "Do you?" "No." Pam offered a suggestion. "Why don't I write you a note to be excused early? I'll say you have a doctor's appointment and you need to get out at 11:30. Then I could pick you up and you can have the afternoon to yourself. What do you think?" Julie took the final drag of her cigarette, opened the car door, and cast the butt to the ground. As she exhaled she said, "Oh mom, that sounds great!" Pam quickly scribbled a note and said, "And when I pick you up, maybe I'll have a surprise for you." Julie already knew what the surprise would be, and she knowingly responded with a smile. It was a two minute walk from the car to the building, and as Julie took the note from her mom and was about to close the car door, Pam reached over. "Wait a minute, hon. Here, take this," she said, handing Julie her half-finished cigarette. Without hesitating, Julie grabbed it, slammed the car door shut, and finished it off on her way toward the building. The next three and a half hours seemed like an eternity. Looking at the clock every five minutes didn't help. All Julie could think about was getting out of school and spending the afternoon smoking with reckless abandon, guilt-free and with her mom's endorsement. Pam picked up a carton of VS 120's for her daughter on the way back to school. She parked the car outside the building about 11:25, opened the carton and set it on the passenger side dashboard. She pulled out a fresh pack and opened it, placing it on top of the carton. She saw Julie exit the building, honked the car horn, and pushed in the lighter. Julie waved and began running toward the car. As Julie opened the door and sat down, she saw the carton and reached for the opened pack. "Is this my surprise?" she asked. Pam nodded as the lighter popped out. Julie smiled as she pulled out a fresh cigarette, bringing it to her lips while reaching for the lighter. She fired up a strong, even light as Pam started the car and began to pull away. Without hesitation Julie pulled a few consecutive drags, anxious to once again experience the full, rich tobacco taste of exhaling through her nose. During the drive home Julie sat with the carton on her lap, holding her cigarette and resting her hand on top of the carton. The sidestream smoke rose along the contour of her breasts, and directly into her face. She breathed deeply, exhaling between drags with a sigh of relief and satisfaction. Pam said nothing as Julie finished her cigarette in about two minutes. As she chained into a second one, Pam finally broke in. "Looks like you're having one of those can't-get-enough days." "Honestly," Julie replied, "smoking was the farthest thing from my mind when I got up this morning. But this really hit me from out of nowhere. You're right, I can't get enough! I wish I could just let a five foot cigarette hang from my lips and keep dragging on it with every breath!" Pam smiled. "I know, I know exactly how that is. Unfortunately, 120's are about as close as you can get to that. At least you have a carton, and permission to smoke as much as you want, whenever and wherever you want." Nodding in agreement, Julie took a hard, celebratory drag, inhaling deeply and forcing her exhale downward in short, repetitive bursts. They pulled into the driveway just as Julie started chaining into her third cigarette in fifteen minutes. She left it hanging from her lips as she opened the car door, holding her carton in one hand and her books in the other as she walked toward the house. She continued dragging deeply and exhaling through her nose, totally enjoying both the sensation of inhaling and exhaling as well as the chemical effect of the rapidly-rising nicotine level in her system, reaching the door and stepping inside just as her cigarette needed to be de-ashed.
segunda-feira, 20 de junho de 2022
Like Mother Like Daughter
Loring, Attached you will find a story I wrote called "Like Mother, Like Daughter". Please feel free to include this in your story web page. This story is loosely based on a girl I knew in high school. As she lay in bed smoking her first cigarette of the day, Kirstin reminisced in her mind about the events that had occurred that led her up to this point in her life. At 16 years of age, life was good. She had a great relationship with her parents and although divorced when she was 6, they remained amicable friends. Her 19 year old sister Cindy had just gotten married and Kirstin had gotten her room (the equivalent of the corner office) and her younger sister Carly who had just turned 14, was still an immature little butthead in her opinion, but all in all a pretty good kid. Kirstin was also one of the more popular girls, not a cheerleader type, but she had a lot of friends. She took a long, deep double drag on her Marlboro 100 and inhaled it as deep as she could, attempting to satisfy her body's craving for the nicotine it had been deprived of all night. Kirstin blew a smoke ring and exhaled the rest toward the ceiling as she felt her cravings subside and remembered what it was like not being able to indulge her habit. She was smoking better than a pack a day now and loving every one. She had developed a strong smoking habit in a surprisingly short time and even now she could still feel that her need to smoke was continually growing stronger as time went by. Her mind raced back to that day that she tried her first cigarette...and how she eventually got permission to smoke. The girls parents were both smokers. Her mom, Tammy starting when she was 14 and being allowed to smoke when she was 16, when her parents found out and nearly had coronaries but realizing that she was going to smoke regardless. Her Dad started when he was in high school. Her parents were both baby-boomers, and grew up in an era when smoking did not carry the social nor health stigmas that are so popular today, but her mom still had that parental attitude about "do as I say, not as I do". Tammy had not attempted to quit smoking during any of her 3 pregnancies and even complained bitterly over not being able to smoke in the delivery room during Cindy's dragged-out delivery. Cindy's mom had a habit of leaving packs of smokes around the house, not as a temptation, but just because she didn't think anything about it. Smoking was just something she did and didn't think twice about it, or so would have liked to believe.... One afternoon, when Kirstin was about ten, Cindy and her were in the kitchen having an after school snack when their mom burst into the kitchen, spitting nails. "What in the hell are these?" she asked holding up a pack of Marb 100's. "Whose are these? Are these your Cindy because I sure in hell hope they aren't yours Kirstin" Cindy turned white as a sheet and said that she was holding on to them for a friend and that she had put them in her purse meaning to give them back. "Who is your friend? I'll call her mom right now!" Cindy said that "her friends mom doesn't know she smokes and didn't want to get in trouble." Her mom replied "That is one of the worst excuses I have ever heard. If you don't tell me whose these are, you're grounded for a month. I mean everything. I'm not stupid Cindy. School and home, that's it. Kirstin, did you know anything about this? And you better tell the truth." "Honest mom, I didn't know anything about this" Kirstin replied.She had no idea her sister was smoking, although she thought it was kind of cool. Cindy looked up at her mom, not knowing which was the worst of two evils, telling her mom the smokes were hers or getting grounded for a month. "Tell me the truth Cindy" "OK mom they're mine. I stole a pack from you. There are you happy?" "Actually Cindy, I'm really pissed off, Miss Smart-Mouth. How long have you been smoking?" "About a couple of months. You always leave packs lying around, it was easy to get some. Then one day I got brave and took a pack." "Do you inhale?" "Yes, I've finally been able to." "Dammit Cindy, you're only 13. You have to know that it isn't good for you." "Mom you smoke, you started when you were 14 and you smoke way more than a pack a day. I don't think it's fair that you tell me not to smoke when you do it yourself." "How much do you smoke, Cindy?" "Only a couple a day, usually after school, when you're at work" "Do you like it?" "Yes mom I do. I like smoking a lot" Kirstin could not believe the conversation that her mom and Cindy were having. She expected her mom to go absolutely ballistic based on her initial outburst. "Girls, I have to go somewhere and calm down for a minute. My blood is boiling." Tammy went up to the bedroom and closed the door. She lit a cigarette from the pack she had acquired from Cindy and started thinking about what had just transpired. She couldn't believe what she had just heard from her 13 year old daughter. She couldn't really blame her though, after all the cigarettes were easy to get, with her leaving them scattered all over the house. Tammy was more angry at herself for allowing herself to smoke, thereby tempting the kids. As she lay on the bed, giving in once more to the habit she had developed over the last 30 years or so, she came to a decision..... Downstairs, Cindy and Kirstin were also talking about what had just happened. "Cindy, I can't believe you started smoking. I thought mom was going to kill you when she brought in those cigarettes. What's it like?" "At first it tastes kind of awful, in fact it made me not really want to smoke anymore, but LeAnn was smoking and I wanted to show her that I could too," Cindy replied. "You mean LeAnn Smith? " "Yeah, her parents have let her smoke since she was 12, and I didn't want to let her show me up. She smokes all the time now, almost as much as her mom. I couldn't believe it when I saw LeAnn and her mom both light up together at their place one day. Her mom buys them for her and everything." "What's it like to inhale?" "Well at first, I coughed my brains out, but after a few puffs, I didn't cough anymore. I did get really dizzy though and thought I was going to barf. But I'm used to it now and it's neat to breathe it in. In fact I think I'd really love to have a cigarette right now." "That's pretty cool Cindy. Maybe one day I can try." "Boy, mom would really go crazy if she caught you smoking. I wonder how bad mom is going to punish me." "Cindy would you please come here?" Tammy yelled from the living room. She had come downstairs and was sitting on the couch when Cindy walked in. Kirstin was right behind her. "Have a seat. I've been upstairs thinking about what happened this afternoon and I've come to a decision." "Mom I'm really sorry, I'll never smoke again, I promise, I...." "Cindy, quit interrupting," Tammy said. "I don't like the idea of you smoking, after all you are young and well, I know you know the health risks, but if you want to smoke, I'll give you permission. I can't stop you. I think your decision to smoke was partly my fault, I made it too easy to get cigarettes" Both Kirstin and Cindy about fell out of their chairs. "Oh no mom, I couldn't..." "It's ok Cindy" and with that she tossed her the pack she had taken away earlier. "Here, I'm giving these back to you. I just don't want you smoking out in public right yet. After all it's illegal for you to even have these. You can take smokes out of my carton whenever you want. She looked at Kirstin, with a half smile and said "and don't you be getting any bright ideas about smoking. YOU are way to young. I'll tell Carly what is going on. Let's have a smoke together right now, ok honey? I want to see how you do it." Cindy, still looking somewhat shocked, nevertheless shook a Marb 100 loose from her pack and nervously held it to her lips. Kirsten became envious as Tammy lit Cindy's cigarette for her, then her own, and watched them smoke together for the first time. Cindy's smoking caused no real concern to the family. Being able to smoke freely at home she quickly developed a regular habit which grew steadily stronger as the weeks went by. She started out by just smoking a few times a day with Tammy but before long she began smoking on her own as well. Tammy showed Cindy how to french-inhale and even taught her how to take double-drags. Cindy began to feel the urge to smoke more often and within a few weeks she was having another Marb 100 every hour or so. Her dad even accepted the fact, although at first with concern about her age, but after awhile he was buying Cindy cigarettes every time the girls went to visit. He even let her smoke at restaurants, which Cindy thought was totally cool and Kirstin was envious of the attention her older sister was getting. After only a couple of months Cindy's habit was up to a pack a day with no sign of her slowing down. She felt her desire to smoke steadily increasing and so too was Cindy's daily cigarette consumption as the habit took hold of her. Cindy told Kirsten that she craved cigarettes almost constantly now and needed to smoke to satisfy herself. Kirstin found this fascinating and made the decision then that she too was going to become a smoker. Over the next few months Cindy continued to freely indulge her growing smoking habit and now smoked openly everywhere she went. By the time Cindy turned 14 she was smoking about a carton a week just like her mom. Tammy found her young daughter's heavy smoking habit somewhat disturbing at first but given her own habit she really could say little about it. She soon bacame used to the idea that Cindy was a smoker just like her and continued to supply her with cigarettes. One day during the summer, right after Kirstin's 12th birthday, Cindy and Kirstin were out sunning on the patio at their dad's apartment and 10 year old Carly was over at a friends house for a couple of days. As Cindy lit yet another of her daily quota of 30 cigarettes, she noticed Kirstin eyeing her. "What?" she asked. "Nothin' " Kirstin replied. "You know you've been acting kind of weird these past few days" Cindy said. "What's up?" "Promise you won't tell anyone?" Kirstin asked. "WHAT?" Cindy said in her most frustrated tone. "I've started smoking" Kirstin blurted out. "You what? Mom's going to kill you when she finds out. When did you start?" "About 6 months ago. I've been taking them from your packs." "I thought my smokes were going fast, but sometimes mom bums some from me. Have you started inhaling yet"? Cindy inquired. "Yeah, I figured it out by watching you and mom smoke. I like it, it's neat." "Cool! Do you want a cigarette now Kirsten?" "Oh, do I, I'm just dying for one... but what about dad?" "He's taking a nap, you know him he's a sound sleeper" Cindy replied. "Here, go ahead and have one with me." Cindy shook one out of the pack and gave it to Kirstin and handed her the lighter. Kirstin applied the flame to the end of the cigarette and took a long deep drag. "Wow, I guess you really do smoke. I don't even drag that deeply. How much have you been smoking?" "Only 3 or 4 a day usually, but lately I've felt like smoking more and more." "That's what happens," Cindy said taking another deep drag. "You're going to have to quit or you'll need to start smoking all the time soon." "I want to be able to smoke all the time, Cindy, just like you. But how are we going to tell mom?" Kirstin inquired of her older sister, taking another drag off the cigarette. "That won't be necessary," came a voice from within the apartment. "DAD!" both the girls cried out in unison. "We thought you were asleep" Kirstin said, at this point making no attempt to hide the cigarette. "I was, but something woke me up. Kirstin, I can't believe you are smoking too. My God, you're only 12! You realize I have no choice but to tell your mother." "Dad, she'll kill me. Can't we let this be our own little secret? You didn't mind when Cindy started smoking, and she was just a year older. I'm not going to quit, I like smoking too much. I'll just do it behind you and mom's backs." Defiantly Kirstin took another drag off her cigarette just to prove her point. "Whoa there young lady, I didn't say I wasn't going to let you smoke, I just said we'll have to tell your mom. Let me handle that though. I can see you know how to inhale, and I'm sure you must have cravings. You are absolutely right, it would be fruitless to tell you that you couldn't smoke. So Kirsten, you can smoke here whenever you want from now on. I just can't believe my little girl is a smoker." The next few days were wonderful for Kirstin as her body got used to her smoking more and more. Each day she would smoke with her sister and her father and while she couldn't keep up with their pace she did her best to try. She was surprised at how easy it was for her to slip into smoking more heavily and by how much she enjoyed smoking on a regular basis. It seemed as though the more she smoked, the more she wanted to smoke and she began to understand what her dad and Cindy had talked about regarding cravings. By the end of the week, she was at almost a full pack per day, with her dad supplying her with cigarettes. She couldn't believe it on Friday night when she realized that she had almost finished the pack he had given her at breakfast. On Saturday it was time to go home. This was something Kirstin was not looking forward to. The only time she would get a chance to smoke was when she could slip into her sisters' room and smoke with her. On Saturday night after dinner, both Tammy and Cindy lit up. The smell was driving Kirstin wild. She had only one cigarette that whole day and her newly-developed cravings had now taken over. "Mom" "Yes Kirstin" "I need to tell you something" "What's that sweetie?" "Promise you won't get mad?" "I can't promise that" "I hope you won't be upset, but I've started smoking" Kirstin said, almost bursting into tears. "I know. I was wondering when you were going to tell me." "What! Did dad tell you?" "Actually the whole thing was a setup. I was intentionally leaving cigarettes out and counting them to see how many were missing. I told your father before... "Mom, I never took any from your packs. Just from Cindy's." "Cindy did you take any from me?" "A couple mom when I ran out, but not more than three or four." "I counted about two packs worth over a period of about 3 months. If it wasn't you then who...?" Over in the corner, trying to hide behind her milk glass, sat Carly. "Carly Elizabeth....!" "Mom I couldn't help it. Cindy looked so grown-up, being allowed to smoke. I knew that Kirstin was smoking, but I thought she was taking cigarettes from your packs, so I didn't think I'd get caught. I'm sorry mom." "Carly you're only 10 years old! I can't allow you to smoke. What will your dad say?" "He let Cindy and Kirstin smoke..." "They were older." "Mom I even breathe in the smoke" "It's called inhaling and I can't believe it." In the midst of the conversation, Tammy heard the click of a disposable lighter and looked over to see Kirstin lighting up. Kirsten couldn't stand waiting any longer and had decided to force the issue by having one of Cindy's cigarettes rght there. She took a long deep drag and knew that it wouldn't be her last. Tammy finally saw the hopeless situation she was in. "I guess I have no choice now but to let you smoke Kirstin. After all I did set this whole thing up. I just thought it would take longer to come out in the open. And as for you Carly, lets see how you smoke. My God, I can't believe I'm going to let my 12 and 10 year old daughters start to smoke." She extended the pack to Carly who took out one of the Marb 100's and lit it like a pro. After a deep inhale, she looked at her mom and said "How'd I do?" She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. Carly looked like she'd been smoking for years and so did Kirsten. She knew that just as with Cindy there was no way she could force either one of them to stop now. They both were far too young to be smoking, but she knew that she would have no choice now but to permit it. With a somewhat shocked look on her face Tammy just replied "Looks like I better start buying more cigarettes at the store. I guess the saying holds true. "Like Mother, Like Daughter"."... "Kirstin, Kirstin!" "Huh, what. Oh sorry Carly, I was just daydreaming about how we all came to be allowed to smoke. It seems like a long time ago." "Well, mom has let us smoke for four years now. I never dreamed she'd let me smoke when I was just 10. That was so cool for her to do. Funny how she was trying to trap you and instead she got me started by accident! Speaking of that, I need to bum a pack of smokes off you. Mom ran out and I need some. Good thing we all smoke the same brand, Marlboro 100s." "Sure Carly, help yourself." "Thanks! I can't believe that Cindy is pregnant already. Yesterday I asked her if she was going to quit smoking now that's she's pregnant. She adamantly stated "No way!" She said that there's no way she can quit now so she's going to keep on smoking, though she said she might have to hide it when her belly gets real big to avoid people hassling her. Fortunately Rob doesn't mind if she continues to smoke while she's expecting." Kirsten took another big drag on her Marb 100 and said as she slowly exhaled, "Poor Cindy... It must be hard to quit when you smoke two packs a day the way she does now. Funny how she started smoking even more once she moved in with Rob. I know there's no way I could quit now either, although I only smoke a carton a week. I wonder if I'll end up smoking as much as Cindy some day," she said dreamily. "Really... I can't even imagine quitting now and I'm only up to smoking a pack a day so far," added Carly, lighting up another of the endless Marb 100's that her young body now fiercely craved, "and already I just need them so bad. I know I'm going to end up smoking even more. It must be hopeless for Cindy to even think about having to quit". Taking a big double drag she said "I guess we are just like mom, aren't we?"
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